rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
