Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
