I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
