Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
