I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
