even my farts smell like vagina
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
