thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
