No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
