my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
