I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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