At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
