Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
