I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
