Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
