Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
