Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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