"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
