I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
