Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
