too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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