Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
