smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
