I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
