Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
