We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
