I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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