I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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