you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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