You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
