She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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