I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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