The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
