im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
