i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
