what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
