she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
