do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
