Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Less talking, more tequila
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
