I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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