Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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