I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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