I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
