why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
