Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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