i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
