now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
