So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
