I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
