U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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