i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
