So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
