Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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