you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
